I’ve been dragging this weight behind me for months. I thought I was tougher than this, but as it turns out…I’m not. Sometimes you have to burn a bridge so you are forced to move forward, never looking back. I let go of the rope, lit the match, and watched the bridge burn to the ground. Now I can’t go back, no matter how much I want to. I won’t ever forget what was on the other side of that bridge. Ever.
I rode hard for 45 minutes yesterday. It was rainy, muddy, and cold. I nearly froze. I lost my hands on the second lap. Couldn’t tell if I was changing gears or braking. I kept on pedaling. I refused to let my head get the best of me. I forgot about EVERYTHING outside of bike racing. The white noise came back. I’ve missed that. I was solid, driving my bike like something out of a skills video. It all came together for me, even though I was nearly last. It doesn’t matter if I can hang with the fast girls. That will come. The only thing that matters is MY race. The only thing that matters is being able to hear the white noise again. For 45 minutes, I was freed from it all.