Full circle


Almost a year has passed since I started this blog as a training journal.  Against my body’s will, I was a runner.  I desperately wanted my IT band and knees to cooperate, in spite of what I knew in my heart to be the truth.  Nothing made me feel that “high” like running.  After my first half-marathon, I quit.  Then, magically, the bike came back into my life.

It’s been a while since I’ve felt “it”.  I’ve fallen into somewhat of a ‘cross depression since my season ended in December.  Other aspects of my life have been struggling, so the trifecta of feelings took my high away.  No racing on the weekend to cheer me up.  No one to go home to at night.  No real fulfillment in my job.  I wondered if I would ever feel it again.  Sure, I’ve had some great rides lately, but nothing quite comparable to how I feel in the middle of a ‘cross race.  It’s like heroin.

Last night, Jamie and I attended a spin class at the Y.  Tyler, the instructor,  is amazing and doesn’t mind if we do our own workouts.  We sit in the back, watch college girls in yoga pants and booty shorts, and do our intervals.  It’s a nice change from lonely trainer workouts at home.  Afterwards, we hit up the high intensity circuit class and run around till we’re sick.  This is what I call, “Operation Crit Ass”.

In the midst of a hot club banger and a high intensity interval, it hit me.  I felt it.  I momentarily got lost in my workout.  I closed my eyes and imagined how all my hard work would pay off.  I imagined how I really can do this on my own.  I imagined how it would feel to be faster.  In that moment, if only for a few minutes, I felt at peace.

It is that moment I seek out, over and over again, with hopes it might stick around someday.

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