Maybe Someday…

In terms of cycling, where do I see myself in a few years?  I haven’t really put much thought into this question.  My hopes linger somewhere between being faster and possibly stepping on a podium or two.  Never in a million years would I expect to see myself racing elites.  Of course, in the back of my mind, it’s there.  Every girl has a dream, even little old ladies like me.  Let’s face it, I’m no longer a twenty-something.

A friend said something to me last night, something crazy.  I mean, I guess it’s not really crazy, but it blew me away.  He mentioned racing elites wouldn’t be an unreasonable goal in a couple of years.  In the words of Wayne Campbell, “Exsqueeze me? Baking powder?”  To hear someone say these words ignites my deep, dark dream and brings it to the surface.  Holy shit.

Do I think I can do it?  Possibly.  I’m probably the most hard-headed, stubborn individual I know, besides my mother.  When she was alive, we’d have the most outrageous fights over nothing at all.  I inherited her gritty determination.  There is little I can’t accomplish, and rarely have I ever truly failed at something I could taste.

So, what does this mean for me?  Well, for starters, I gotta get my head out of my ass.  These little “moods” I’ve been getting in have to disappear when it comes down to the bike.  I need to stay focused and find ways to keep motivation fresh and alive.  I can no longer give workouts the middle finger just because I had a sad day.  This must stop.  Immediately.

Secondly, my food choices need to improve.  I’m a vegetarian and feel that I’m fairly careful as it is, but I’m also an emotional eater.  I eat shitty food when I’m emotional.  I eat A LOT most of the time.  When I’m tired, I’m lazy, and I eat things I wouldn’t normally touch.  This too, must stop.

My motto, “live out loud”, will take on an entirely new meaning, using this blog and other forms of communication as accountability.   Although I am intrinsically motivated, the need for outside sources still exists.  Sometimes I need a good, hard kick in the ass.  Sometimes I need someone to cry on.  Sometimes I just need someone to open up to.  It’s simple, really.  If I can keep my head on straight and focus on what makes me happy, I’ll be able to stay on the path.  Ultimately, I am responsible for my own happiness.

I have a long list of things I must do, or discontinue doing, if I want to make this pipe dream a reality.  A lot of people don’t get it.  I get asked quite a bit (mostly by non-cyclists), “Why is this so important to you?”  It’s hard to explain.  I don’t actually think I can formulate my heart into words.  People with similar feelings just get it…without speaking.

So just maybe…maybe someday…

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