My biggest struggle since moving back to Tennessee has been finding my place…my niche. For a decade, I’ve been the little snowboarder girl, ski patroller, snow bunny chick…making my way through life one journey at a time. My mama used to call me a free spirit. I got an idea in my head and went for it. I frolicked through various schools, majors and periods of homelessness, trying to find my way. I never knew where I’d end up next. I wanted to do it all. I wanted to have it all. I wanted to experience life to the fullest.
With that being said, I always knew where I fit. Fast forward to my early 30s…moved back to my hometown. Things were much different. Everyone is married. Everyone has kids. Everyone is settled. Everyone has a real, full-time job. Everyone has different priorities. Everyone but me. Soooo, where do I fit? I’m too old to be the odd girl out.
Slowly I realized that I’m NOT the odd girl out. I’m actually very blessed to be in the position that I’m in. I’ve watched too many relationships go up in flames. I’ve seen too many homes broken up in haste. I’ve been told I’m living the dream…and not as a sarcastic figure of speech kind-of-way.
I spent so much of my 20s focused on finding “the guy” and starting a family and this and that and blah blah blah. While there is NO DOUBT in my mind that having a family is the cat’s meow, I also realize that everything has to be in it’s right place. And yes, I meant that as a bitchin’ Radiohead reference. It took me years to realize I have an amazing life…just the way I am.
So I don’t have kids…and I don’t have a husband. Hell, I haven’t even had a date in almost a year…but my life is good. I am fulfilled. I am content as I can be with what I have. I’m doing what I want to do and loving it…most of the time. It took me years of suffering and searching for what I THOUGHT was supposed to make me happy. Happiness is how you perceive the world…not something obtained from possessions and people. Misery is a choice.
I’ve learned you can’t put a time limit on lifetime milstones…it’s out of our hands. If I’m meant to be on my bike with a house full of dogs till my dying day, so be it. If I’m meant to have 3,999 children (and I hope I’m not) before I die, so be it. No matter what this life gives me, I must adapt and overcome. I refuse to be a passenger…I’m drivin’ this bus. So, get out of my way before I run over you. 😉