No Leaf Clover

“Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel…it’s just a freight train comin’ your way.”

It’s favorite Metallica song by far…and pretty much sums up my day.  I woke up at 04:30 so I could catch a crossfit workout with my new friend, Jenna.  She’s a beast…and I say that in a good way.  She is super strong and can run like Meb Keflezighi.  I had an amazing (and TOUGH) workout and I thought this would set me up for a pretty bitchin’ day.  

Class.  Nap.  FootRx group run.  I love this run.  The course always challenges me, but the people are amazing and the support is overwhelming.  I totally thought I was going to kill it today.  Ok, so I really WANTED to kill it!  I guess I figured the crossfit workout and the 3 miles at race pace the night before wouldn’t factor in the equation.  3..2…1…go!  Mile 1 felt faster than normal…and it was.  I got excited.  Mile 2 sucked out my soul.  Mile 3 was a relief.  Mile 4 felt like mile 2.  Mile 5 was the best one of the night (and usually is).  I look for that downhill like a little kid looks for Santa on Christmas.  

47:12.  I was really hoping for something better than a 9:26 average.  

The good news?  I didn’t stop.  I wanted to…I want to quit quite often.  I keep reminding myself that my first half marathon isn’t going to be easy and it’s going to be hilly.  Pay now or pay later…it’s up to me.

The bad news?  I am my own worst critic.  I felt awesome for finishing and disappointed for not finishing faster.   I wanted to run harder…and tried.  That’s all my body could come up with today.  I have to find some patience and give myself more credit when it’s due.  If ebay sold patience, I’d be buying them out.

All this suffering will pay off…I continue to remind myself.  I’m going to have bad days…bad runs…bad moods.  People are going to piss me off and break my heart.  Things won’t always go as planned.  Crap happens.  I just have to be smart enough to let it go.

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